(#164) Curiosity Culture > Cancel Culture

In a world where conversations too often spiral into shouting matches or dead ends, is there a better way forward? In this episode, we explore the radical idea that curiosity, not winning, should be the goal of tough conversations. Drawing on insights from linguistics, psychology, and real world examples, we unpack practical tools anyone can use to transform conflict into connection.

Whether you’re debating politics at the dinner table, clashing with a coworker, or scrolling through heated comment threads, these strategies can help you listen more deeply, ask smarter questions, and keep conversations alive, even when agreement feels impossible.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• Why curiosity signals respect and builds trust, even with people you disagree with.
• How to replace “agree to disagree” with something more meaningful.
• The difference between a “soldier mindset” (defend at all costs) and a “scout mindset” (explore to understand).
• The power of simple, curious questions like “Tell me more” or “What makes that important to you?”
• Everyday tactics, like using “I” statements and nonverbal listening cues—that instantly change the tone of disagreements.

Why Listen?
If you’ve ever walked away from a disagreement feeling frustrated, misunderstood, or disconnected, this episode will give you a roadmap for doing better. It’s not about winning arguments, it’s about learning how to have conversations that matter.

Resources & References Mentioned:

• Marissa Fond, Georgetown University, on curiosity as the foundation of civil discourse.
• Julia Galef’s Scout vs. Soldier Mindset.
• Civil discourse strategies from conflict resolution and communication research.

Take the Listener Challenge:
This week, when you feel the urge to argue, try asking one genuine curiosity, driven question instead. Share your story with us, we’d love to feature it in a future episode!

Socials: 

Instagram/X: @kylethehorton

Intro: Head in The Clouds Album - Matthew Morelock

Outro: Where The Sun Is - Jellyfish Beats

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:01

You remember the last time you listened to someone to understand them? Neither do I. Welcome back to Kyle Talks, where I'm Kyle and we talk music. What is up, all my beautiful people? What it doobie doobie do in these streets? How's it going? How you doing? We're talking today. I'm excited. I'm actually, I'm always excited to talk to you guys. I'm really excited to talk with you guys today. How's it going? How you doing? How's the day going? How's the wife? How's the kids? How's the husband? You know, whatever, whatever. You know what I'm saying? How's it going? How you doing? Good, good. It's so good to hear that. And I'm actually super happy to have you here today on the podcast. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Kyle Talks where we listen to people who don't pray like us, vote like us, dress like us, eat like us. dance like us and we still have good conversations and and I might be so adventurous to say we might be really good friends we don't agree on nothing but we might be we might be pretty good friends I'm just saying I'm just saying uh that's the goal for the podcast if this is your first time checking out the podcast welcome to Kyle Talks in sunny Los Angeles California where the white claw and the LaCroix flow like honey um yes yes it sounds too good to be true but I It's not my friend. This is your first time here. Please come over. We got a place for you. I like Pamplemousse. That's my personal favorite, but we got all the flavors. If you've been here before. You know where to go. You know where to go. It's awesome to have you guys here. Again, this is a podcast all about talking with people who you don't agree with. You don't have any of the same thoughts on nothing. Voting, eating, praying, believing, dancing, whatever it may be. And we still have good conversations. And you know what comes out of that? You know what comes out? Not only like respect, maturity, things like that, but you can hear some people who've done some pretty freaking cool things. Random people, people that just ordinary people doing some really extraordinary things. We've had a couple of those conversations on the podcast. So if you'd like to check out Losing 500 Pounds, being a voice actor, cancer research, working with the NBA, NFL, if you want to see those conversations, we have them, but those would never happen if we don't talk to each other. So let's learn how to talk to each other. And it's easy to talk to someone who... you agree with to some degree. It's very hard to talk to someone you don't agree with. So that's what this podcast is all about. So I'm so grateful and thankful to have you here. And on that, let me get in my yap, yapping era. If you've never been here before, I kind of yap before I jump into each episode. It's kind of what we just do around here. I am so thankful for you guys listening to the podcast. I'm getting more, it's kind of surreal If I can just be like honest for a second, getting people sending in their questions, people sending in their feedback. I've got lots of feedback, which is great. Me and Rio have both gone through both of them. Unofficial producer Rio. We've gone through them. We've looked at them. We've used it for different episodes. What's coming? What do we have in the pipeline? And we are so grateful. It's it feels kind of Rio has an email now. Like he's like, We are like, you know what I mean? Like we have Dropbox accounts like we're starting to get a little bit serious and. It's. It can't be done. If no one was, if no one was listening, this would be, it still is a hobby to this day, but like people are listening. So thank you guys. There's value here. I think in what we're the mission of Kyle talks is there, the values there and people notice that. And I think a lot of people want that. A lot of people are sick of the shouting matches, the, Oh, you think this you're X, Y, Z person. I think people are sick of that. And we're just starting. There's so much room to grow in the podcast. We We have plenty of things we're doing. There's a lot of things to do to improve going on video so I can look at you in the eyes. We're working on that. That'll probably be next year. But just to give you, this is not where I was planning on going, by the way. Just to give you an idea of the podcast, we're growing. So in the past seven days, I'm just going to share some of these with you guys so you guys can get it. In the past week, as of this recording of the episode, Tuesday, I just got back from my auntie's wedding. As of this recording, we have about... It's kind of feels crazy to say past seven days, we've had 726 downloads in the past week alone, which is crazy. Of course, that's not Joe Rogan numbers, but I remember when that was like five. I remember when that number was like five. So thank you, guys. And then that's where I say the podcast. You can times that by a month, whatever. I feel not uncomfortable, but that's just that's what we do about a week. So you can do some math, figure out where we're going from there. With that, we also are thinking of new ways to improve the podcast. My mindset is always like, okay, we're getting some traction. That's cool. How can we capitalize? How can we do more on that? So with that in mind, if you guys already don't know, this is a good opportunity. Every Monday, I do a social media post on X, Facebook, Instagram. Check that. Well, my Facebook is for my family, but Instagram, I'll post there. And every Thursday, There's a reel or short form content. If you want to check that out, check out my Instagram. Every Thursday, you'll be getting one. So there's going to be one. Maybe this is Saturday and you're listening to this episode. Go check out my Instagram. There's going to be a reel there from a few days ago. Check it out. I think it might have my wife in it. Trying to change that. But the point is just to really develop, get more of a relationship going through posts, through reels, being able to interact with people who listen. and build that community. We're already starting to build the community here on downloads, but it's kind of hard to have that interaction on that. So we're going out and trying to produce more interaction, engagement with the community. And that's really the goal. Also Twitter, I literally tweet. I'm kind of a loser. I tweet every day. So let's talk there. It's really good stuff there. But yeah, just to give you an idea of where we're at with the podcast, how we plan to go forward, some things that we have in the pipeline to come forward and like, hey, we're trying to do this for XYZ community, building that community engagement, things like that. So just to give you an idea of what that looks like, that's what we're doing. Also. You may have seen it already by the time this episode comes out, but I'm not a good clip maker. Rio has been working hard on trying to make clips. I respect that man. He gets paid negative$12 a month. Shout out him. But feel worse for me because I get paid even less. Can you imagine? Even less. Jokes aside, I'm just being serious. But we're also making clips. taking it from the show. It's not going to be great at first, to be super honest. It's not going to be great, but we want it out there. We want to tell people, we want to invite more people to this conversation. So if you would like to, that's what we're doing on our side. If you would like to invite more people to this conversation, thank you. Listening the best, literally the best way. So thank you for listening. Second best way, share the episode, tag Kyle the Horton on it. I will reshare it. I reshare literally everything that's the podcast that I'm tagged in. Check out my Instagram I share everything I see. And just invite more people to this conversation. Tell your friend like, hey, man. You don't know how to talk to people. Maybe you'd get more benefit from this. I don't know. Something like that. You know what I mean? Um, so let's invite more people into this conversation, but we're, I mean, man, we have some traction. We have a full hold. And thank you guys. Thank you guys. Let's go from here. Let's fricking go from here. There's a lot of work to be done. We just talked about some of the small things we're doing. Um, but there's still even so much more work, but we're grateful. We're definitely grateful. And we noticed, um, we definitely noticed Rio's a funny guy. I can't wait to have him on one day. Um, But yeah, he has lots of he has some pretty unique insights, pretty unique. Rio's the kind of guy where he will he will tell you something and like break it. He understands like and he'll go and he'll tell you about it. He'll make sure you want. OK, anyways, that's we'll save that for it's a quality and a lot of people have. But yeah. So with that, that was a long the obsession. I'm going to finish off by saying thank you for the growth. I can't wait to invite more people to this conversation. and build this community up even more than it has been. With that, you've already seen the title. Before we jump into the episode, you know what we do around here. It's called BOSS, B-O-S-S segment. This podcast is all about us having a conversation, talking to each other. And I would be a charlatan, a scam artist, a Houdini if I didn't have an opportunity for us to have a conversation. So how this works is you send in a question to kyletalkspodcast at gmail.com and put BOSS B-O-S-S in the subject line. It can be about anything. Finances, literally anything. It's just an opportunity for two friends to talk. I don't know everything. I'm 28 years old. I don't know what I don't know. I'm still learning. But this is an opportunity for friends to have a conversation. Not as I need to hear the answer, so I'm sending this in because I want to hear an answer. This is like a, imagine I'm your homeboy for a second. which I hope we are, but you know, imagine, Hey, I've just, I got to talk to my whole boy about this. That's the point of boss for us to have a conversation. So if you'd like to send in your questions and again, send them to KyleTalksPodcast at gmail.com and put B-O-S-S in the subject line. Let's jump into today's boss question. All right. This first question comes from Cara. I hope I'm pronouncing your name right. Also, boss, I realized I just didn't say it. Boss stands for before opening show. So before we jump into the show, this anyways, that's what that stands for. Here's a good email from Cara. Listener question. Let's jump in. Hello, Kyle Talks and unofficial producer Rio. Okay, so Cara, Kyle Talks is the name of the show. I'm just Kyle. You know what I mean? It feels weird to get called Kyle Talks. I'm just Kyle, you know. It's just, Kyle Talks includes both of us. Like, this glaze for real, where we always say, and unofficial producer, super awesome, goated real. Let's just, I'm just saying, let's just relax. You know what I mean? Anyways, I'm just being funny and serious, but let's continue. Hi, Kyle Talks and unofficial. Hey, how's it going? I really appreciate and love how you manage to have real conversations or at least. Or at least seem to have good conversations with people you don't agree with. I appreciate this because you don't really hear that a lot today. Yeah, true. That's where the podcast came from. My question then is how do you actually find common ground? Sometimes I hear something crazy. Sometimes I hear something crazy like when someone. OK, this is good. This is good. Sometimes I hear something crazy like when someone tells me the Republican. I'm a hardcore Democrat and it feels like we're coming at two different worlds. This literally just happened the other day and it feels like we're coming from different worlds. I hear you. I hear you. I hear you. Sometimes I want to connect with family or coworkers, but it feels impossible, such as the conversation I was having with a friend. earlier the Republican would love to hear how you look for that in that conversation while I would still say we are friends thanks to this podcast shout out you good job good job Cara I don't know how I can connect with this person or find some common ground anyways thanks I'm sure my Republican friend will thank you thanks for what you do and shout out relax with the Rio Cara okay Hey, Cara, this is I skim this question. I skimmed all the questions. I don't read them for this is good question. This is like a for real, real like this is I think the first time we've gotten like a real like a this is how it is. So one, thank you for sending in your question. We appreciate it. Really do appreciate that. Two, let's just jump. How do you find common ground? I think you just find it right. Like you find something that you both fundamentally, hopefully, probably agree on, especially when it comes to politics or so. And I'm glad this podcast is reaching like people who think differently politics wise among themselves, because that's really where we need to have like the best conversations and really understand. So, Cara, you are genuinely. doing what Kyle Talks is all about. So thank you for that. That's what it's about. You can be a hardcore left, hardcore right. It doesn't matter. How can we find common ground? And I think before I want to say this, because I think this is like a super like practical question and real question I want to spend time on. You sending this in, I feel like says a lot about you, right? Like, I feel like you're like, hey, I have this belief. How do I find common ground just so I can talk to this other person? Your friend, the Republican, we'll call him or her or them, whatever, you know, we'll call them that the Republican. I think this says a lot about you. It's like, hey, you know, we disagree on obviously whatever it is Democrats and Republicans disagree on. But I still want to connect with this person. I actually huge W actually huge W. I think this I'm not trying to glaze you by really do you think This says a lot about you as a person. So congratulations. You're living, genuinely living the Kyle Talks mission. Thank you for that. How can you create common ground? I think you just have to find it. I mean, like I said, we're just two homies having a conversation. I don't... I think finding common ground's very... And I could be wrong, obviously. I'm still learning. I think finding common ground can be very... Hmm... Like in the moment, like you have to know the context of the situation, depending on whatever it is. But I think starting from anywhere, pick somewhere where you might think pick somewhere where you think no matter who you are, no matter what you believe, we can agree. So, for example, I don't know if this will work every time, but I had a conversation with someone who listens to the podcast. I have not given my notice. I've never given my political affiliation out in the podcast, never said which. which side or middle I'm on. And I had someone come out and say like, hey, he thinks... He's under the impression that I am a hardcore liberal in his words. So whether he wants to believe that or do you want to believe that? Hey, that's up to you. We have that conversation and we were talking about it. And this was over Instagram chat, so not like the most best place, you know what I mean? But I was thinking like, well, where's common ground that we can find? And it's always hard. It's always going to be hard. You're going to have to fight for it. It's not like you can just say this one thing and you agree. You have to find what makes sense for the conversation, what's contextual to the conversation, and you have to find it's going to be hard to find it, but you have to fight for that. So if you can't get that, then you're going nowhere. So, for example, in this conversation with this very interesting individual, I said, I mean, we both agree that. People dying is an issue, right? Like we don't want people to die. And he said, you know what? I can agree to that. That is somewhere where we connect. We don't want people to die. Boom. Conversation went then. Maybe I'll talk about it one day. We had a good conversation. It was over chat. So, you know, but we had it. And that was our common ground. We thought it's we don't want people to die. We don't want people to suffer. And then all these other things came from that. Oh, yeah, this we don't want people to suffer. We don't want people to starve, whatever it may be. you And that comes back to the common ground of we don't want people to die. We actually agree. Well, we agree on so many things. You see what I'm saying? Like that's and we had to fight for that. And but that was an Instagram conversation. This is just an example. When you're in real life with a person, it has to be contextual. Can't just say, well, we believe the sky is blue. Like, OK, that means nothing for this conversation. Sure. So, yeah, you have to. I don't know if I'm like helping you at all, to be honest, because I can't. I can't give you like, just say this one thing. And Republicans hate this one thing, you know, to your friend. And I don't have that. Democrats hate this one thing. I can't, you know, that doesn't exist as far as I'm aware. So you just have common ground. Find it. You have to fight it. Fight for it. Which means a lot for the conversation. Because if you have to fight to find common ground, boom, you're connecting. There's trust. Hey, man, I may disagree with you, but I want to find common ground. Let's find that. Says a lot about you says a lot and very positively. So that's what, that's what I would recommend again. Sorry. I don't have like the one magic saying, but I do think finding common ground is you have to fight for it. Um, again, and if you're fighting for common ground, that says a lot about you and your person you're having a discussion with. Cause you're like, Hey, I'm invested in this conversation. I'm invested in this relationship. Um, so I want to find this common ground. Kudos to you, Cara. Kudos to you. That's a really good question. Um, That's a genuine real world question. So kudos to you. Good job. You're kind of leading me perfectly to today's episode, which is all about curiosity and not canceling. It's like Cara knew what the episode was going to be about. So I'm just going to jump right into our main episode. Thank you for your question. Curiosity is better than canceling. When I said that, my Siri came on and I was talking to her. But my question for you, when's the last time you had a conversation where you stopped listening because you're waiting for your turn to talk? I just shared my story of my Instagram experience, that struggle to find common ground. Oh, you believe this? Why? How did you get there? I'll share this story again. I've shared it a million times when I was talking to my friend in college who was like, all cops are bastards. Me having family members and people that I... Trust as an authority in my life, I was like, whoa, I have a couple of those in my life like they're not all bastards, but. And I heard him out, I once I said, like, what do you get? How do you how did you get there? Why do you believe that? And we're the best of friends today. I didn't know these schools in college. It just kind of happened that. But that's the point. I was. Through God's grace, it just happened like that. But I didn't know, I disagreed very heavily with this thing that I heard. And now we're the best of friends today. I love this. I love that man more than anything. Like he's, and he's a great father too, by the way. So it's like, how could, that's what we need more in society. Having that curiosity and think, whoa, you just said that? I'm out. You know, like yikes. Yeah, you believe that? Yikes. You're not, and what the issue is, Beautiful people who are listening, what the issue with that mindset is of hearing something like and not having curiosity for it. The issue for that is you're not improving yourself. You're not understanding different positions. And three, you're not cultivating a place where people want to talk. If you shut down because someone says something and you're shutting down, Kyle, I'm not shutting down. I just don't have a conversation with them. I hate to say this. You have loser mentality. You're shutting down and you're making the other person seem like a better person than you. You're not saying I'm wrong, so I must be right, right? That's the point. That's that's what's scary and dangerous. We need to have curiosity again. We have to shy away from shutting down when you hear something you don't like and ask. And now you think to yourself, well, I disagree with that very heavily. Maybe you have an emotional response to that. Be in control of your emotions. Oh, OK, that's why. Oh, how did you get there? While you're having an emotional response. How did we get there? Why do I think that? That says so much about you. You're a mature person, and that's what we want to cultivate at CalTalks. Curiosity is always better than canceling. So that in mind, today, have you guys seen how my notes have gotten better? Today, we're exploring how curiosity can make tough conversations not tough, even when there's disagreement. Instead of shutting down, fighting back, curiosity opens doors, and it says a lot about you. As an individual, like it does Cara. Shout out, Cara. You're asking real life. Yeah, thank you. You're asking good questions. So what I promised you, every episode I put out, I want it to be encouraging, beneficial. I just don't want to put out nonsense. I don't want to put out stuff where I just yap endlessly for 30, 45 minutes, whatever it may be, and you don't get anything out of it. I want you to get something out of every episode, not just entertainment, but something like, oh, I can actually take that for this week so that in mind um you're going to be able to after listening to this episode you'll your mindset's going to be different you'll have tools they can use in your next part of conversation and then i have links like articles that i used to get this to look at some of this stuff um but why why does curiosity matter kyle um okay kyle i'm hearing you say i should be curious when someone says um they're a republican or democrat and And I'm not. And they believe whatever Republicans, Democrats believe. I am on the opposite. Why should I have a conversation with them? Why? Why should I be curious how they got there? You are asking good questions. What do the experts say? Here's the biggest thing across every article, Google, chat, GPT books. Here's the number one. I mean, this all boils down to this. Curiosity is a signal for respect and willingness to understand someone, to truly understand someone. I mean, you can type in why curiosity matters in a conversation and that will come up article after article, link after link. If you put it in chat GPT, which I did, it comes back in chat. It's no matter where you go, this is the number one thing. So I'll say it one more time because this is the biggest thing. Curiosity is a signal for respect and willingness this to truly understand someone or what they believe just understand someone as a person and understand their belief belief systems that's like every everywhere comes back with that um so that's the biggest thing secondly This is something I did because I think it's, I mean, I could be wrong on this, but based on the links and stuff that you can check out for yourself in the show notes, it turns opponents into people to have conversations with. I'll just keep on using myself as an example because it's easy. Oh, you believe all cops are bastards? Instead of shutting down and thinking like, oh, this is, what a terrible point of view, I disagree. Well, actually, why do you believe that? Oh, that's why you believe that. Well, I disagree with you, but yeah, I mean, I get it. Oh my gosh, there's understanding. We need that in today's society. We need that into today's society. So we need to get rid of, like I said in the last episode, 163, society, and this is true, society has conditioned us to be losers. Society has conditioned us to have loser mentalities. Oh, you believe this? Shut down. ignore you block you move away from you disregard you i hate to say this that that is you're not a loser because you as a person are not but that idea and what you're reflecting just gives off loser vibes so if the shoe fits you know what i mean don't and society has told us society is when someone disagrees with you they're a bigot they hate you they hate this type of people whatever it is they Blah, blah, blah. X, Y, Z, X, Y, Z, X, Y, Z. Lose your mentality. Now, there are some people out there who are not interested in any kind of conversation. And that's okay. Just don't have a conversation with them. It obviously won't be productive. There are people out there like that. Yes, a thousand percent. It's not worth it to have conversations with them. Just move on. Whatever it is, just move on. What we're doing at Kyle Talks is we're changing that mentality. Oh, you believe that? Oh, you don't support BLM? It's Kyle. I do not. I went from supporting them to not supporting them, supporting them. Now I don't support them. It's a long thing. We'll talk about it later. But I don't support them. That's not as controversial today. So I guess, I don't know, a lot of people don't support them now because of the owner's... ignorant actings. Um, but it's like, uh, you know, I don't support them. So I've had conversations, people who are diehard BLM fans and I'm half black by the way. Um, and we talk about it like, Hey, this is why I don't. And we have good conversations. Oh, I get that. Oh, that actually makes sense. I may disagree with you, but I actually see how you at least got there. And you're not just, you see what I'm saying that we need that curiosity invites more conversation.

UNKNOWN: 28:14

Um,

SPEAKER_00: 28:15

So we have to change these mindsets of we got to get out of debate mode. I need to win this conversation. We talked about this in 163 and 162. I'm just going to throw facts at them. Does that work? We all say no, it does not work. You can't throw facts. There is no winning. You may quote unquote win the conversation, but you lost a person who will never listen to you again. That's not winning. Not even in the slightest. We got to get rid of this shut down mode. We'll just agree to disagree. Okay, so we're just not going to have a conversation. All right, like how is that beneficial? We got to get rid of that. And we do have to adopt this mindset of curiosity. Curiosity mode is what I'm calling it. This is super cliche, but yeah, tell me more. How did you get there? I'm curious. I may disagree, but how did you get there? I'm actually really curious about that. So What does that do when we adopt that mode? Curiosity, being the main focal point of this episode, refers... Kind of changes conversations. So it's not necessarily a disagreement anymore, even though it is. It's more like discovery. How did you get there? Why did you get there? Tell me more. And it's less combative. So there's not like, well, I believe this. We just butt heads. How did you get there? Oh, your walls start to come down a little bit. Their walls start to come down. Oh, now I'm just sharing about how I got there. Oh, we're cooking. That's what we need. Sorry, I'm getting passionate. That's what we need in this today's society that's what we need and so that's the curiosity mindset we want to promote these kind of things and then I guys know I'm the king of practicality I love what are practical okay Kyle this sounds great maybe you're on board Kyle that sounds really good how do I do this and I have a list of a few ways of we can do this one being the biggest we ask to understand we don't ask to well I'm about to ask them this. And I'm about to ruin their whole day with facts. No, that's not how we do it. Maybe you could do that. Sure. Maybe you can't. No one's saying you can't. Maybe you can't. Sure. But we need to ask to understand. I will always bring this. All cops are bastards. How did you get there? And boy, did I understand after he said that. Boy, did I understand. Like, yeah. Honestly, can't blame you. I get it. I get it. Yeah, I get it. So we need to replace like our arguments with questions. Or so, for example, something I say is, why is that important to you? Or how is that important to you? Or what specifically about this makes that important? Why do you believe that way? And then how do you see it? How did you get there? Why do you think all cops are bastards? Why do you think abortion is right? Why do you think abortion is wrong? Why do you think the Seattle Seahawks are better than the Cowboys? There's a mix of seriousness and not seriousness there. But the point is, I know I'm going to get some messages about that one, but we want to have conversations. We want to have conversations. This is a place where we have conversation. I will repeat this. Truth is exclusive. Only one person can be right. Two people cannot be right, but we're not there yet. We're not in the business of finding out truth just quite yet. We got to start talking to people first. And after we have conversations, then we can get to the who's right, the truth argument. Do you understand what I'm trying to say? Truth is exclusive. What we're doing here is not about finding out the truth because you can't find out the truth if you don't talk to someone. So we got to learn how to talk to each other. So you have to ask to understand. Next thing I do is assume goodwill on people. I know not everyone's good. I know we all have our things, but people remember this. I mean, my therapist wife loved this one. We are all as people, nature versus nurture. We are shaped by our experiences, by our upbringing, by our media. So what does that mean? Curiosity is asking why they believe and not assuming a bad intent. Oh, you think this is wrong? Why? That is you see where I'm combative. I'm putting the other person in defense. I'm being like trying to attack them, which is not how a conversation, a productive conversation should go. How did you get? Why do you believe that? I'm just, oh, no, I hear you and I understand that. I actually disagree with you, but I'm more curious as to how you got there. Oh, boom, walls coming down. Well, yeah, actually, this is how I got there. This is why I believe that. Oh, I get it now. You see what I'm saying here? You're reframing the conversation. Again, we're not looking for truth at this exact moment. We're just trying to talk to people and we can't even do that yet. So let's do that. Have a good will about them. How did you get there? Some people are going to say, well, that's because this person told me to believe that. Don't laugh at them. Be like, all right. What do you think? Like, have you ever thought about it personally? Do you just do whatever? I don't know. Ben Shapiro or lemons. Don Lemon says, you know what I'm saying? Like, do you just listen to them? Like, do you not have your own thoughts about anything? Yeah. Don't laugh when someone says that because there's a lot of people out in the world like that. But invite them to like, well, maybe you should look into that more to see what you think. And even if you think the same thing, okay, sure. But at least now we can have a conversation about it instead of just regurgitating whatever this person says. Next mindset, I think, is really important signs for us is this comes from Julia Galef. So this is not mine. I think I said her last name right. Galef is the she's as Julie calls it the scout versus soldier mindset. So a soldier, they defend a fortress of beliefs. Here's my beliefs. Here's my beliefs. And I and I just defend them mindlessly. That's what a soldier does. What a scout does is a scout maps reality as it is, even if it changes or challenges their own views. So a soldier defends and say, hey, this is what I believe. A scout will say, well, let me draw a map of this. Oh, that that map is showing differently than what I think. You know what I'm saying? We want to have a scout mindset, not a soldier mindset. So curiosity keeps you in scout mode. Shout out, Julia. I thought that was pretty good. And again, there's conversations aren't just about conversation. I think there's also nonverbal like you're listening position. Are you listening intently? So small things like nodding, small, small stuff like that. Having a conversation with someone who's silent and one who's like actively listening, like, oh, OK. Oh, yeah. Well, that makes sense. Like how it's like, OK, I actually know you're listening. It's small, but I definitely think it's a big piece of it. Like all these tools that we want. I think the nonverbal active listening is a big one. So those are some, I will go through them again. These are good tactics for cultivating curiosity, which we already talked about why it's so good. You want to ask to understand. You want to assume goodwill in people and like, hey, how did you get there? Why did you get there? We want to have a scout mindset, not a soldier mindset. And then active listening. And I think where these really come in, I mean, shout out Cara. I'll just use, honestly, Cara. I had some examples, but let's just use Cara. Cara in her thing, in her boss segment question today said like, Hey, I'm a Democrat. My friend noticed. She said, my friend, um, is a Republican and we disagree. They disagreed on whatever it is they disagreed about, but she still sent in a question asking, Hey, I want to find common ground with this individual. Boom. That's what we need. Oh my gosh. I'm getting like, it's going to sound nerdy, but I'm getting goosebumps. That's what I'm like. Legit have goosebumps right now. That's what we need more of. Have that curiosity. Curiosity to know the other person and curiosity to say, hey, I want to continue this conversation. Let's find something we agree about. So that's a perfect, real, genuine real-life example with Kara. Other examples might be politics and Thanksgiving, which I hate. Debating a friend about cancel culture. You know, AI, where it's going. Do you know in China at least... I was just listening to an episode the other day. About 10,000 or 10 million young Chinese women said they're going to have an AI boyfriend.

SPEAKER_01: 37:39

Huh,

SPEAKER_00: 37:40

interesting. I thought that was a really interesting statistic. Anyways, I'm getting off topic. Anyways, for just your curiosity in daily life, demonstrate... what Curiosity First looks like. What does that look like? And it's a tool. It's not going to be perfect right off the jump. It's not going to be like, I'm so good at this. So that's what we want to do. So here's what I want to challenge you with. I challenge you with whoever you're having a conversation with that you're disagreeing. Ask a question instead of ready to argue. You hear something crazy that you don't believe with. Instead of saying like arguing, well, here's why. Facts, facts, facts. Just ask a genuine question. How did you get there? Why? I'm just curious. It might be painful. It's definitely going to be hard. I'm still learning too. So this goes for me as well. But it's like, how did you get there? I maybe emotionally vehemently disagree. But how did you get there? Man, that says a lot about you as a person. And I'm talking to myself right now. That says a lot about you. If you can do that, that says a lot, a lot about you. What did we talk about this episode? We talked about how curiosity signals respect. Ask questions. How did someone get there? Rather than having a counter argument ready to go. People have experiences. Ask about the experiences. Understand that. Where did that come from? Learning more. And then have the scout mindset. Don't have the soldier mindset. And this is my final thought. Curiosity won't make us agree on everything. I'll say that again. Curiosity won't make us agree on everything, but it can keep us human with each other, even when we don't see eye to eye. That's the, that's the, that's the podcast episode for the day. I hope you guys enjoyed it. I hope you get something out of this. I want to hear those stories. Send them to me, DM the me, text them, whatever. Um, tell me, Hey Kyle, I just had this conversation and I asked them this question. And although I still don't agree with them, I get what they're saying. That's what we want. So send those examples to me at Kyle talks, podcast, Gmail, um, dot at gmail.com. No, I'd love, I love guys. I mean, I shared it in the beginning. I shared it in the beginning. I talked a little about now. We have momentum. We're starting to change. We're starting to build communities. You guys are inviting people. You're telling them to listen. Let's capitalize. Invite someone to listen to this episode. Share this episode on your social media, Instagram, X, whatever it is, and tag me if you do that. Or just send this episode to someone directly. Let's invite more people to this conversation. Let's bring more people to the table to talk with. If you'd like to support that mission, of course, listening sharing you also have a patreon link down below to help us invite more people to this conversation to support uh rio and i i guess i'll just put him first you guys like real um but i would love love to get more people in on this conversation with that remember one man who loves you more than you could ever understand died on the cross for you and that man's name is jesus i will see you guys next time on the economy peace

UNKNOWN: 41:13

Thank you.